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Ode to Ben Howard and the 280

Green, blue, and gold-brown everywhere, filling my hungry, roving eyes and translating to happy in my heart. I love this drive. Mountain View to Montara via the 280 bathed in late afternoon sunlight. Windows down and Ben Howard blasting in my speakers:

Depth over distance every time my dear 

Man, the dishy poet singer gets me every time.

And this tree of ours may grow tall in the woods
but it’s the roots that will bind us here – to the ground

Maybe I will stay in California for another year, put the wanderlust on the shelf for a season. Content settles in my bones as the car hits seventy-five. Worries and fears for the future feel more like curiosities out here. There’s room to breathe. Urgency, the need to figure it all out, is eaten up by beauty and the horizon.

Depth over distance was all I asked of you
And I may be foolish to fall as I do

I wonder how he’s doing with his new life. I wonder if she loves him like I did.

Still there’s strength in the blindness you fear
if you’re coming too

Love that line. Don’t quite know what it’s supposed to mean, but it hits something in me. The blindness of love? It’s a mercy I think. Takes a fool to fall in love – if we knew what we were really getting into we’d never take the leap. Am I doing it right? Am I staying open in this whole experience of love and loss?

Hold on, wait until that lone sun
breaks from the arms of the Lord
Hold on, though we may be too young
to know this ride we’re on

For a moment, the questions and concerns stop. It is enough that today I am going to the sea. Today I will walk under tall cypress trees and stare over ocean cliffs and lose myself in blue green water. Today I entertain the expectations of no one – myself included.

Depth over distance was all I asked of you
And everybody round here’s acting like a stone

The relief of putting Palo Alto in my rearview mirror is enough to plant a giant grin on my face. Shedding stress like useless skin. That place makes me ill sometimes. I understand that many men are dreaming many things that will change the world, hopefully for the better. But the pride. The obsession with being busy, like stress is the new cool. The priority of ambition over people, career over relationship. Makes a girl want to move (back) to a rock in the middle of the ocean.

Still there’s things I’d do, darling, I’d go blind for you
If you let grow sometimes, let it grow sometimes, let it grow

Really Benny? Go blind? Romantic idealism; never met a man I’d surrender my sight for. Odd thoughts come and go as I’m winding up the foothills, trees blocking the sun, making everything green. Anticipation grows as I near the summit. The trees break. Two more curves, just another bend – there it is. Shinning as it always does, deep beautiful blue water for miles. Relief. It’s gonna be okay. Whatever is going on, whatever may come, it’s going to be okay.

So hold on, wait until that lone sun
breaks from the arms of the Lord
Hold on, though we may be too young
to know this ride we’re on


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This entry was posted on February 21, 2014 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , .
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